Proverbs 3:5

There's this country song in my head and I don't even remember who sings it. I don't remember all the words, but I have one particular line going through my mind like wildfire today. "I wanna be somebody else for a little while."  Why do I say this, you ask?

Let me start by saying that I have more going on in my life right now than I care to even elaborate on. The main thing here is that you look around and see carefree happiness everywhere. I don't wish for them to not have that, but I envy what they do have. I do wish that I could have a day where nothing is stressing me out so badly that I am on the verge of a total breakdown. I want to sit on the back porch at a barbeque and just watch the kids run and play. I want that. I do. I want to go watch a ballgame with my friends and blast our favorite music on the car ride home. I want to take my daughter out to the movies and see that excited and anxious look on her face just before the movie starts. I want the time to do these things - enjoy our life instead of just managing it. Time is not my friend these days - and luck a determined sidekick. 

So, what I have to ask myself are the following two questions:  Is this satan pushing my buttons and trying to drag me down? OR Is this me expecting to do too much in too little of a time frame?

I think it's both maybe. I expect to squeeze so much in one day, because I feel like I have to. I think when satan sees me doing that, he takes it and just runs with it by throwing in obstacles for me to jump over. Or is this God testing me, watching how I will handle things? Sometimes it's just so confusing trying to figure these things out. I guess I need to stop doing that. So, I am repeating this verse to myself hoping that it will overtake the other line that has been running rampid in my mind today.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." Proverbs 3:5 


So, we're finally going to close this dreadful chapter of our lives. I bought a house and we will be moving in just a few days. Faith is very excited about the move and although I am sad to move out of the home where Faith has grown up over the past 5 years; I too am excited to start anew. It is a small blue house just 5 miles from where we are now. She will be able to stay in the same school district and I will stay at my current job. The only thing that will change are the walls around us and for that I am very thankful.  He will be home in less than two weeks and I'm excited for Faith to have her Daddy home. At the same time, I am very uneasy about what emotions I have not yet dealt with - as I have not seen him face to face since I found out what he had done (with the exception of him dropping her off after their vacation). I feel as though I am okay and that I have already moved on, but I am worried that there is anger or hurt that I haven't "let out", because I have not had the opportunity to speak to him face to face. God will help me with whatever may come up. And so long as he is the Dad to Faith that he should be, I think everything will be fine. chapter closes and a new one opens. Excited, anxious and scared all at the same time.